My thoughts on relationships, for what it’s worth, is that they never work unless you know how to love yourself first.
Because in order to be able to give unconditional love, you have to both understand what that means, and know how to give it to yourself.
You see, if you don’t value you then how can you ask someone else to?
If you find yourself worthless, then how can you ask someone else to find you worthy?
We have to love ourselves because in life, what you put out, is what comes back to you. So when we show our confidence, and our self love, then what comes back to us is confidence in us and love for us.
Every relationship I have had fail, I can absolutely attribute to my own actions. And when I look back, the benefit of hindsight shows me that in actual fact they were doomed to fail the moment I allowed the relationship and other party, to dominate the relationship. When they have caused me to lose my sense of self. My self worth. My ability to make my needs at the top of the list.
Every. Single. Time.
Yet the relationship that has stood the test of time?
Is the one I never expected to last.
The one where I stood my ground. Where I put my feelings and needs first. Where I had grown myself into a person who I was starting to know and who I knew was important.
I’ve still made sacrifices – because a relationship is sacrifices.
It’s always two people colliding, then finding a path that works for both. And being able to understand that sometimes we need to take different paths but that how we get there is not as important as that we get there in one emotional piece and still love each other at the end of the road.
This one, has had good, bad and ugly. It’s had peace and war.
But mostly, it’s had mutual respect.
We respect our differences and celebrate them. We work through our issues. We get mad. We get emotional. We get happy.
Most of all, we always communicate and we both love deeply and unconditionally. So no matter how much we piss each other off, we know that being mad about dumb shit, doesn’t make us love each other any less. It just means we are mad right now and need space and conversation to figure out the next move.
I believe there are multiple someone’s out there for all of us, and I believe that those people, come along when we need them and when we are ready for them.
Some for a reason, to teach us something.
Some to show us what we need.
Some to make sure we know what we don’t need.
But if your heart and mind are open, those people we need will come into our lives when the time is right.
And in the meantime, working on loving yourself, and making yourself the person you want to be is so important.
So that when the right person comes along, you can spend your energy on the relationship – not rebuilding yourself.