I’ve spent the last week or so reliving parts of my life, that for so long have been buried in a deep place inside of me and to be quite frank with you, I just needed a breather.
While I started this blog, for the simple fact that some of my internal musings were driving me crazy, I allowed for the cathartic effect from getting those stories out.
What I didn’t allow for was the mayhem that’s ensuing in my brain right now.
I have this ‘stop the world I wanna get off’ kind of feeling.
There are so many stories in my head.
So much I want to write down.
But only so many hours in the day and I know I cannot devote my entire life to this right now as my normal life is in such complete chaos right now.
I’ve got a lot going on, and it seems so strange that the absolute need for me to start this, hit me when it did. Like I needed another thing on my to-do list? But here we are. Messy, disorganised, chaotic in blog also.
I began with the best intentions of trying to create some kind of timeline, but right now I actually need to press pause. Because I need to figure out which stories are worth sharing, which aren’t. Which affected me, but aren’t interesting enough – or if that is even a thing? Who am I writing this for? Me or readers who barely exist? My 3 fans?
Should I be thinking more of what they would want to read, or more of what I want to share?
Can someone learn something from anything I’m writing or has that point been lost in the blur of dredging up memories which have been silenced so long.
I’m not sleeping well, again.
My stress levels are rising as I try to get a handle on this. It’s feeling a little overwhelming.
For now though, I will try to keep going. I’ll try to push through the what if’s and the niggling voices of self-doubt and maybe.
I may for a while attempt to keep my posts shorter and more direct. Which may be easier given I have literally spilled a large chunk of my life over the internet already!