I promised you the story of a person who I met completely by accident.
While he was working. And I was looking for help with something inane.
And it actually turned out to be something quite special, in a stranger than fiction type of way.
I’m going to call him Mr Happy… because it sums up his persona completely!
This person, is still a large part of my life. We are still friends, through subsequent partners and jobs and social circles, we have remained close. He’s now overseas, but we try to connect every year or so to have a good catchup.
And for many years, we partied together, we went out every weekend, at the height of my grown up party life, he was a central figure for me, along with his girlfriend at the time, my then boyfriend and a large circle of friends.
Now we are both older, wiser (perhaps) but still close.
Remembering, at this point, it’s post a zillion funerals and me having kicked Mr Serious aka the douchebag out. So I was single and while not looking, I wasn’t not looking either if that makes sense?
I was socialising, trying to meet new people. Trying to rebuild damaged friendships.
So anyway, we started chatting (and flirting) over the phone, from a support desk where he worked and I had to tell him how to do his job. In the nicest way possible.
Which led to him getting me to bring my machine in so he could have a look at it.
And I have to admit, that after many conversations over the phone I was a teeeeensy bit more than curious about what he looked like. And I can’t say I was disappointed. He was definitely my type at the time. But his smile was what absolutely did it for me. He had this million gigawatt smile that just wrapped me around his little finger.
I walked in the door to his offices, and he came flying out at a million miles an hour, just radiating happy!
He was the happiest person I’d ever met. It was a combination of bewildering and awe inspiring and just contagious. Like, I felt happier just having him around! And I still do, to this day!
He bounced around the place, and we fixed my machine. And he gave me his number….
It was so flattering to be asked out on a date, when I hadn’t had a proper date in forever.
And even better, he already knew so much about me. About my daughter, and a little of the rocky position I’d been in. And he still wanted to get to know me better.
He also hooked me up with a job working at his work, because seeing as I knew as much as he did (if not more in some places) he decided that his boss just HAD to hire me.
Which was amazing as the team were amazing people, who many of which have remained friends. Almost 25 years worth of friendships in that little office.
So working together, it really didn’t take long before we started to get serious about dating officially.
But it was a bizarre relationship.
We would have so much fun, and we did so many things. Went on crazy adventures out of town. He would look after my daughter like she was his own. And he was so into making me feel good about myself. Which I honestly handled terribly.
I kick myself to this day about it.
I just had no idea how to be in a happy relationship where I was treated as an equal.
Not a darn clue.
I would sabotage things often, and I would even at times try to push him to yell at me, and he never would. He just wouldn’t rise to anything, he would just explain to me so patiently, like a father telling off a toddler, that this wasn’t how things worked.
He was funny too, about sex. We never had sex. Not once.
And that frustrated me, because I couldn’t understand that. It wasn’t that I wanted to, but more, that every man I’d been with had used it as currency of some kind, or as a way to have a level of power over me. So I also had no idea how to share myself in a way that was sharing rather than allowing people to just take what they wanted.
And he couldn’t fathom or do that to me. We had discussions about it. He would always tell me that it was not happening until I could understand his perspective, and that I was ready to do it for myself and not just to keep him happy.
And every time I broached it, we would talk in circles and wind up with me feeling rejected and defeated… him feeling frustrated and not knowing how to get through to me, and both of us struggling to work out how to fix it.
In the end, no matter how many amazing times we had, it wasn’t fixable. So we agreed that maybe, just maybe we needed to stay friends. And no more.
We still flirted… and had fun, but once the pressure of sex was off the table it was actually amazing how quickly our relationship got lighter and less suffocating.
We were only together weeks…. but he brought sunshine into my life.
He also opened the door for me, to realise that there were definitely other people out there who found me attractive. Which was a fairly new thing for me.
I was introduced to other people, and setup with a few.
I had a brief fling with a gorgeous motorcycle riding workmate, for a week or so. We again didn’t get physical, but it was a hell of an ego boost!
Although in hindsight, I’m not sure how healthy that one was. He was far too young and while very pretty to look at, not terribly smart……..
And unfortunately, around that time, Mr Serious somehow crept back into my life.