I had what I thought was a serious relationship when I was in my teens.
I was far too young, and while I thought I was so grown up, I should have been able to see where it was going to go, long before it got there. Not seeing was one of my biggest regrets in life.
You see, my boyfriend, was incredibly abusive. And no one knew that. Not a single one of his friends realised until more than 20 years later.
Because he wasn’t the kind of abusive to give me a black eye. At least not back then.
He was almost a much worse kind of abusive, because the abuse he subjected me to, I didn’t even see coming. I didn’t understand what was going on, so I couldn’t run from it until it was far too late.
I was young when I met him.
I met him when I wasn’t even legal yet.
And the story is a little bit funny… mostly because the situation (looking back) was so absolutely ludicrous it barely seems possible.
A prior boyfriend, who I loved like a brother. And who took me to school balls, and always looked out for me, was someone I used to party with a lot.
He was older than me, and he would help me lie to my parents about supervision at parties. Buy me liquor. Drive me around.
And to this day, I adore him like you wouldn’t believe. D was and is someone I would walk hot coals for.
But this night, I’d been meant to party with him and we went up to another mutual (school) friends house for a few drinks. Which turned out to be A girl I shall call J. Her boyfriend also J. Another friend R. And us. No one else. I’ve no idea why but it was a strange night……
Lame… until we started playing drinking games.
We also had to jump through the hoops of my mother calling where I was meant to be staying (with my Aunt) and my Aunt ringing J’s house to tell me to quietly ring my mother and pretend to be at my Aunts. So I had to do this often as she’s frequently cover for me! We were well practised. She would tell my mother I was in the bathroom. I would ring my mother and tell her my Aunt had just popped over to the neighbours to grab some milk. Or was in the shower. And then my Aunt would call her back a few minutes later with a matching story.
But moving on, it ended up with D leaving me there, drunk, and after way too many whiskey shots, I ended up in a relatively awkward position, losing my virginity in a caravan, so drunk I could barely walk, after swapping lingerie with J and basically having a foursome with J, J and R. Which was a little bit hilarious. A little bit terrifying. And a little bit fuzzy. I was barely 15…..
All to be made even worse when J’s mother knocked on the door, interrupting things somewhat telling us (and I quote, as it’s too hilarious not to) that “this is NOT a knock shop” and that we all had to go home!
D came back to get me…. because I needed him.
The journey back to my Aunts involved much laughter… stumbling… falling off fences and falling down banks.
I still to this day have no idea how the two boys managed to corral me back, when I didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to admit what had happened to my Aunty.
I have only hazy memories of the end of that night. And the next morning I was taken home, horribly hung over and in a right state – I have no clue how my parents didn’t notice.
But while I was being taken home, R had decided he needed to see me again. So recruited a friend, who we shall call Mr Serious. And they drove across town to find me. Unsuccessfully.
I’d gone home, so they got my home address from my Aunt and drove back across town to find me there. Only to be told by my father I was out shopping with my mother.
So they drove around the city, until they finally tracked me down in a mall.
And my mother invited them to our house. Which they accepted. And they spent the afternoon hanging out with me.
That was the first time I’d met Mr Serious.
R was his best friend and sidekick. And the biggest sweetheart you could ever meet.
He was a good looking guy, amazing blonde hair, complete bogan and the biggest blue eyes and cheeky grin. No wonder I fancied him….
Reminds me of the guy in the picture – who isn’t him btw, but they both have great hair!
I wish I knew what kind of bad decision made me not choose him again after that night.
But when put on the spot, and his friend asked me out….. I stupidly said yes.
And the fact that those two stayed best friends after that, was an absolute testament to R’s enormous heart and the kind of person he was. Give you the shirt off his back he would.
In 2017 I went to his funeral. As he’d gotten in with a bad crowd. He got shot at a party.
Another regret I have is losing contact with him when he drifted away from ‘our’ crew and got in with a bad crowd that saw him see prison more than onces, and lose his two beautiful sons.
I will always be a little bit grateful to him though.
As while my relationship with Mr Serious was not a good thing by a long shot, he gave me a beautiful daughter. And for her, I thank him.
I also wish he’d been a bit more forthright in asking me out though… But it doesn’t pay to dwell on the what if’s right?
I already know he would have treated me better.
That was the start of a really rough road for me though…..